And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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