I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
