My cat gives me a boner
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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