So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
