her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
