U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
