Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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