i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
