I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
