dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
