i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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