when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
