Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
