it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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