I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
