just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
