last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
