So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
