Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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