So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
