you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
