I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
