Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
