Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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