He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
