youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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