So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
