Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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