who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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