Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
even my farts smell like vagina
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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