it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
