I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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