garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
