cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
