EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
