A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
