I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
