I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
