I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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