I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
