a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
