I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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