were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
