in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we made out on top of his cat.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
