How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I AM VODKA MAN
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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