Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
