Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She needs sedatives and a leash
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
