His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
