I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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