Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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