I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
