It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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