I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
