Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
